I'm not really 'okay'.
Most days, I cry myself to sleep
if I hadn't already fainted from the exhaustion I get
from simply breathing.
They're the worst. Between the
crying, and the
thinking, and the
it's just silence.
To be locked in a room where no one
can hear you but yourself
is the most frightening experience I live
through most every night
I lie, saying
I'm going through a phase
when in reality,
there is no escaping this sea
I'm drowning in and maybe I finally accept the truth.
My truth. My reality. My thoughts.
It all echoes in the back of my mind.
It's what kills me.
So before you tell me to not kill myself,
to not allow myself to die,
need I remind you,
I am already dead.