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Deviant for 4 Years
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Sometimes, I say too much
or I say too little
and I say it,
in such a way you don't understand.
I mumble, I stutter,
my pitch gets higher
my volume lower
but that's all because,
you always make me crazy.

For you, I'm crazy.
I don't think,
I just act,
and it's frightening when
you don't actually know what
the idea of love is.

I have seen my parents fall
out of love.
I have seen emotions fade.
I have seen the scars it leaves.
I-I-I don't want that.

I'm scared that you'll wake up one day
and decide:"I'm done".
I'm scared that you'll realize that
you--- hate me.

I'm crazy for you;
I act weird around you;
and one day you might think:
"Too crazy, too weird" then throw me away.

I am hard to handle,
stubborn to the core,
sweet as sugar,
and I get mood swings,
mad, sad, angry, and
sometimes quiet---
But I love you.

I really believe I do.
But I'm scared.
I'm scared of myself.

I'm scared I'll be too happy,
and then one day,
you'll leave.

P-P-Please don't leave.
I-I-I----------------------- I love you.
If only I didn't think my crazy was genetic.
Looking at my family tree,
I always been told I don’t belong,
“You’re shy, not too blunt,
Kind at heart,” but all just a front.
I know what you see, because it is
My reality, my family’s
It’s all there, every amino acid
Coding and preparing my breakdowns.
I sigh and I just wait for it.
If only I didn't think my crazy was genetic.
I'm sick and you don't know how to cure me.
I'm not really 'okay'.
Most days, I cry myself to sleep
if I hadn't already fainted from the exhaustion I get
from simply breathing.
They're the worst. Between the
crying, and the
thinking, and the
it's just silence.

To be locked in a room where no one
can hear you but yourself
is the most frightening experience I live
through most every night
and sometimes,
I lie, saying
I'm going through a phase
when in reality,
there is no escaping this sea
I'm drowning in and maybe I finally accept the truth.

My truth. My reality. My thoughts.
It all echoes in the back of my mind.
It's what kills me.
So before you tell me to not kill myself,
to not allow myself to die,
need I remind you,
I am already dead.
YO! this is my first journal entry :) i don't quite know what to say :\ hmmm.  I LOVE all music. and everyone on here ROCKS so far in my investigation... :D PEACE


aznprde's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I was born in Northern California. I am not actually a visual artist...

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Add a Comment:
AntiSparkleVampire Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013
Hey, thanks for the fav! :D
8Natsuko8 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thx 4 the fav
EddsworldFreak Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
Happy b day
aznprde Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
EddsworldFreak Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
No prob
artsyfartsyness Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student General Artist
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WATCH! :iconawesomenessplz:
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3
you can check out my facebook page for custom shoes here: [link]
please LIKE IF U LIKE :)
aznprde Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No Problem :)
EddsworldFreak Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
Sorry I don't think I can do the skateboard animation
aznprde Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
that is alright :) It's no big deal. at least you didn't forget about it thank you for telling me :D
EddsworldFreak Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
no problem
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